found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize