Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
