Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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