my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
