we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
