she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
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SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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