am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
