Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
