and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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