I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
