I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
