did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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