It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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