She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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