You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
