he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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