last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
be right there i have to get my cape
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