I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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