I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
