god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
