i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
