I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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