The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
