My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
