Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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