We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
