I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This house was built for laser tag.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
