She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
