Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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