We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
