so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So squirting runs in the family.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
