3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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