That's when you crack a 10am beer
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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