i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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