Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
