um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
soo... how was my night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
