If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
