whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
