it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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