I should be sponsored by Trojan
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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