party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
