My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
