Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
