anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
