i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
