it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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