think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
