i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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