You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
