There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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