The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.