i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
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You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always