im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize