yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba