Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.