I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
