you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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