I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
