google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
