the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
