I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
