Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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