Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
