I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Vodka?
Forever.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
