I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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