O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
