Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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