I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
