i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
