Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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