what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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