I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your cock deserves a montage
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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