i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
