even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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