I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
