I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
