theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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