My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
