i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
