I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
